And then it changed !!!

Yea, just like that, time flies by… Between my last post and this, I (re) activated my Facebook and resorted back to msn chats… and after catching up a bit about everyone else out there, I am gone again… I just deactivated it and deleted messenger from my lappy may be 5 minutes ago…. reasons need not be explained, for I don’t owe an explanation… but I know how some of you (I am talking about everyone who thinks I am doing it again, and that I will be back again) are already making assumptions about how long I will stay away from it… over dramatic much ?? (I hope this is not a copy-right, Rosie), I don’t care… I just had one of those moments when you realize that no matter how much you want things to stay as they are, they are all but going to change… and I am not good with changes… about a month back, one guy came to my store and asked me for a pint of liquor… I casually told him that his evening was going to get a lot better now that he had some company with him… he replied, “Everything will change, brother… You had a bad day, it will change…. You are having the best time of your life, it will change… you have a very bad phase going on, it will pass and change too…and more so”… I could tell he was a bit intoxicated, and I too added to the list of everything that was going to change… and though I knew that then, I wasn’t bothered about it… until now… Now, I realize that everything will change… good, bad, highs and lows, life and death and everything in between… everything changes… and nothing is permanent (This is the point I want to make through my emphasis on change… my focus is not more on the “how”  and “why” of the changes, but on how nothing stays permanent, just in case it wasn’t obvious.) I think a lot about permanency, about how we want things to stay as they are for the rest of our lives when we have something we would want to have for the rest of our lives… I am not talking about love here (I am one of those who believe it is far too over-rated)… but I can’t seem to be in complete darkness of the fact that love is one of those things one would want to hold on to -  from my understanding of what I have seen in movies, read in books, heard in conversations, and also talked about with my friends (you know, those girls you are good friends with who think love makes their world spin around, and there are just a few too many I know…just my luck )… enough about love… lets get back to the topic…

Changes and Permanency – I am one of those who are reluctant to changes, not that I hate it, but I am not fond of it either… and I would much rather have things the way they are than have the “shuffle” mode of my life on, and my life going up and down, and skipping tracks so much so that you lose a track of where you are… I am fond of stories – personal, impersonal, third party, narrative, descriptive, imaginary, actual/factual, random, come whatever… I am, in some way, amazed by how much every little thing can teach you; right or wrong is not important here… And I try to learn every chance I get (may be that’s why my mind fluctuates from 0 to a 100 and vice-versa every time, because I try to learn more than needed, and then, make an attempt to implement it a bit too much.) But nothing really is permanent, which is sad, or exciting depending on what the case is… and also, time waits for none…. Time – what hasn’t been said and heard about it !!! and it’s the reason why things don’t stay permanent… because eventually, time runs out.. no matter where we are in life and what we are doing, time will run out, and then, you can only wonder what could have happened if you had some more time… some more time to finish a project, some more time to turn in an assignment, some more time to spend with your dearies, and some more time to hold that hand…. and all we are left with is the WHAT IF???… nothing is permanent besides change…. NOTHING !!!

I just finished watching a movie, and it made me question the truth we hold on to dearly and with all our might, only to realize eventually how weak it is when it stands against forces of nature… I fail to understand how we are unable to realize the bigger picture and are easily soaked up in the present so much so that nothing else matters than what we see in front of our eyes… It is sometimes saddening and overwhelming to see things fall apart, and hope and pray that everything happens for a reason and that there are better things in store for the future…but there isn’t anything else you can do either… you can’t sulk and cry and whine for the rest of your life, become a loner and totally cut yourself off from the surroundings or abash yourself. Neither can you go about berserk and raise your finger to the society and live like a nomad (though it sounds appealing)…

But then again, if only life were much simpler to live, I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much !!!